In 1950, only one in four Americans was single, notes Harry Buinius in “Table for One: Embracing Singlehood,” in the February 14, 2022 issue of Christian Science Monitor. Today, nearly half are, if you include unmarried partners, LGBTQ individuals, and those not yet married, notes Buinius. 

But it’s still a challenge being single. You get the crappiest table in a restaurant. Couples prefer other couple friends. Some married women are afraid you’ll steal their husbands. (Please!) 

Is the story changing? Yes, but you have to look below the storyline to see it. 

Here’s the Story We’re Told to Believe

In the 1980s, “family values” became the storyline of a culturally conservative movement in the U.S., notes E. Kay Trimberger, professor of women’s and gender studies at Sonoma State University, and author of The New Single Woman. 

Academics, public policy professionals and religious stakeholders pushed this narrative in the 1990s. They also confined it to a traditional definition of marriage, noted Trimberger. 

This was the story they told, despite the fact that Americans were increasingly questioning the institution of marriage and breaking out of it to create a more inclusive, both/and proposition.

Here’s the Underlying Design of the Old Story 

An underlying design drives every story and its moral. In this story, the underlying design pushed on an unsuspecting public is one of silos. An either/or design dictates you live in either one silo or another but you can’t swim between both.

A webbed design says, “Wait a minute. I am both.” And the data is supporting this shift. 

A New Design is Rising Up 

In the wake of the U.S. Supreme Court overturning Roe V. Wade, in August 2022, Kansas, a Republican state, voted to keep abortion rights. Voters spoke loud and clear: we want control of our bodies, and the right to decide whether to abort a child, regardless of our political persuasion. We may be Republican, but in this issue, we’re voting with our Democratic sisters.

Those voters were doing exactly what the married vs. single narrative shift was doing. They were changing the design that directed the narrative, from a silo design to a web design. And when that underlying design changes, all the narratives laid on top of it—marital status, sexual orientation, political beliefs and more—are signals of deeper and more tectonic change. 

Your role? To stake your claim and support that new design in your life and the circles of influence your life touches, shamelessly.

M. Carolyn Miller, MA, designs narrative- and game-based learning. She also writes and speaks about the power of story in our lives and world. www.cultureshape.com